Understanding the social triggers behind resistance and how to build better buy-in

When a client resists your suggestion – or simply goes quiet – it’s tempting to assume they’re not interested. But often, something deeper is going on.

Clients aren’t just evaluating the logic of your idea. They’re reacting emotionally and socially. And if something feels like a threat – to their status, certainty, autonomy, relationships, or fairness – they’re likely to shut down, even if the idea itself is a good one.

That’s where the SCARF model comes in. Developed by Dr David Rock, a leadership expert and founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute, it helps us understand the five key social triggers that influence how people respond in work-related situations.

Here’s what to watch for – and how to respond.

Status: How they see themselves

Clients want to feel capable, respected, and in control. If a suggestion makes them feel like they’ve been doing it wrong, missed something obvious, or need your expertise to “’fix things, their defences go up.

Instead:
Frame your suggestions as building on their work, not correcting it.

  • “You’ve already laid a solid foundation here, one idea that could take it further is…”

Certainty: Their need for clarity

Ambiguity breeds discomfort. If your recommendation feels vague or open-ended, it might trigger hesitation simply because it’s unclear what’s involved or what to expect.

Instead:
Make the next steps clear and grounded.

  • “Here’s what that could look like in practice…”
  • “We’d start with X, then reassess in Y timeframe.”

Autonomy: Their sense of control

No one likes to feel boxed in or pushed. Even a well-meaning suggestion can land badly if it feels like their choices are being taken away.

Instead:
Give options and invite participation.

  • “Would you be open to exploring a few different approaches?”
  • “There are a couple of ways we could do this, I’d love your thoughts on ….”

Relatedness: Whether they feel safe and supported

Clients are more likely to take on feedback or try something new when they feel like you’re on their side. If they sense judgment or disconnection, trust erodes quickly.

Instead:
Show alignment and shared goals.

  • “I want to make this work for you and your team, let’s figure it out together.”
  • “What matters most to you in how we approach this?”

Fairness: A sense that things are reasonable and equitable

If a recommendation feels self-serving or if the process seems one-sided, it can trigger resistance, even if the logic holds up.

Instead:
Be transparent about your rationale and link your suggestions to client outcomes.

  • “This suggestion benefits both sides it improves X for you, and allows us to deliver Y more effectively.”

So, what does this mean in practice?

If you’re making a recommendation and it’s not landing, take a moment to ask yourself:

  • Does this threaten their status or confidence?
  • Are the next steps clear?
  • Are they in control of the decision?
  • Do they feel I’m working with them, not just advising them?
  • Have I explained the rationale and benefit clearly?

When we unintentionally trigger one of these threat responses, even a great idea can fall flat. But when we work with the brain’s reward system – building trust, offering clarity, inviting autonomy – our recommendations feel safer, smarter, and easier to say yes to.

TL;DR:
Client resistance isn’t always about the idea. It’s often about how the idea is presented. By using the SCARF model of status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness we can reduce threat responses and build stronger buy-in.

Photo by Daniel Herron on Unsplash